That '70s Show (1998–2006)
Don Stark: Bob Pinciotti
Bob Pinciotti : [Bob has come over to the Foremans place after he cut down a tree that almost fell on Red] Red, I'm so sorry. It was an accident.
Red Forman : [Red's acting nice] I thought I never say this. I'm glad you're my friend.
Bob Pinciotti : Red, I thought I'd never say this, you smell nice.
Bob Pinciotti : uh-heh
Red Forman : OK, Bob, What is it?
Bob Pinciotti : I'm just curious. What's the word on that Hyde kid?
Red Forman : Steven? He's a little rebellious, just needs some direction.
Bob Pinciotti : Apparently he's getting it, Red. I kind of walked into your living room and he and Kitty were in some sort of provocative embrace. I think he's putting the moves on your wife.
Red Forman : Ooh my God. Now I've gotta kill him. Get your deer rifle, Bob.
Bob Pinciotti : H... Hold on Red. I... I... I could have been mistaken.
Red Forman : You know what you saw. Get the damn gun.
Red Forman : [to Eric] This is the worst thing you've ever done.
Bob Pinciotti : [to Donna] You too.
Red Forman : You're gonna drive Donna home, and then you're gonna wait for me. That's an order.
Bob Pinciotti : Ditto... Aww, come here. I can't stay mad at you with that cute face.
[hugs her; Eric looks at Red with open arms]
Red Forman : Get your ugly ass in the car.
[Bob is having a ridiculously festive sale at his store]
Bob Pinciotti : What are you, ashamed of me?
Donna Pinciotti : Well, look around, dad.
Bob Pinciotti : Oh, I get it. But, let me tell you something. You see a clown, I see you in college. You see your dad dressed as a ringmaster, I see you in grad school. You see a monkey in a tutu... Well that just makes me laugh.
Midge Pinciotti : The unexamined self is the unfulfilled self.
Bob Pinciotti : What do you mean? You don't feel fulfilled? Why don't you feel fulfilled? I pay the bills. I put a roof over your head. I take care of you.
Midge Pinciotti : I know, Bob. But, what do I do?
Bob Pinciotti : Well, you fill out that sweater real nice.
Midge Pinciotti : Look, Bob, even the English language is sexist. Why is it mailman and not mailwoman?
Bob Pinciotti : Yeah. And, why is it mail? It should be female.
Midge Pinciotti : Now you're thinking.
Bob Pinciotti : No, I'm not. I'm just pointing out how stupid it is.
Midge Pinciotti : You know what, Bob? You're one of them.
Bob Pinciotti : My wife is a maniac... Sorry, a womaniac.
Eric : Hey, dad, um, I was wondering if you could show me, like, a few fighting moves.
Red : Who you planning to fight?
Eric : David Milbank.
Bob Pinciotti : David Milbank? He's got scoliosis and asthma.
Bob Pinciotti : You could take him.
Red : Oh, come on now, Eric. Why don't you, uh, beat up Kelso? I don't work for his dad.
Eric : He's making a move on Donna.
Bob Pinciotti : Oh, no. No. No. Donna's not going near that pretzel boy! No. No. You gotta nip this in the bud, Eric.
Red : All right. All right. The bridge of the nose is very vulnerable.
Bob Pinciotti : Oh. Oh! And hit him with a banjo!
Red : [pauses and stares at Bob] A banjo, Bob?
Bob Pinciotti : What? I'm helping!
Red : Where's he gonna get a banjo?
Bob Pinciotti : I don't know! But I saw a guy get hit with a banjo once, and he went down.
Red : [pauses and stares at Bob again] Hitting a guy with a banjo, is dirty.
Red : You wanna knee him in the groin.
Bob Pinciotti : You can hit him in the groin with a banjo.